Fifty: Missing You

I miss you.  I’m still right here.  Waiting, pretending, hurting, hoping, trying. Trying to let go.  Not because you’re not here. Because I’m wondering: do you still care? I stop doubting: Pushing away the emptiness and filling up the space. All I want to say is I miss you, friend.

vampire diaries

 I’ve had these conversations with friends before they go away because life makes them have these choices.  I sit here and wonder about it.  Its not essential that friends have to see everyday or even talk everyday but when we do, its like family and like we’ve never been apart.  Thats how easy it is.  With some friends, its not the same way.  Those conversations aren’t there anymore and yet, there’s awkwardness and eventually, self-conscious even about what to say anymore, as if that person was going to judge you.

Growing up also means that our emotions develop as well and we control them better. Sometimes, you have to let go and sometimes you just can’t.  And then sometimes, on those dark nights, I think about my friends and what they are doing and wonder if they spontaneously think about what their friends at home are doing also.  

My thoughts go specifically to certain people who have impacted my life and this was not written with any negativity but rather its my way of sending those positive thoughts to my friends out conquering the world and their challenges that there’s someone right here sending them positive thoughts and morally supporting everything they wish to achieve. 

Do you have friends that moved away? That aren’t quite so connected anymore? Do they pop up in your head sometimes?

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